As always, I'll lead off by saying that this is children's literature and I am not a child. I'm a grown ass adult that reads children's book and makes fun of them for fun. Ahem.Francine Pascal and her ghost writing collective continue to flesh out the "personalities" of the most hateful twins ever invented in the third Sweet Valley book. In short, Jessica is a psychopath and Elizabeth is a judgy mcjudgerson, EXCEPT when it comes to Jess. We're introduced to Robin Wilson in this book, Sweet Valley's first overweight character. Because the goal of all SVH books is to totally ruin all preteen views, lots of mean things are said about Robin because everyone in Sweet Valley knows fat people are gross. Seriously, the fat girl in this book gets called Ms. Tubby and she's eating in 95% of her scenes. We also get tons of really uncomfortable kissing in this book. I mean, at one point, Bruce takes off Jess' bikini top in the lake. WHAT. They also go off into the woods to presumably have sex, but I'm not sure if sex exists in Sweet Valley. We get told about the kissing and the heavy breathing but IS THIS SEX?In the rest of the book, Jessica shows us just how bad her self esteem is when she puts up with Bruce's woman-hating shenanigans. Elizabeth makes it her life's mission to be nosey and butt in everywhere she isn't wanted. Have I mentioned yet that my hypothetical future kids are never reading Sweet Valley books?For the full recap, check out "Playing With Fire" And Seven Other Things More Fun Than Reading This Book.Memorable quotes from that recap: Sara: No way! They threatened to take away our dances all the time, too! (And they threatened to suspend students for dancing like hos, but I'm pretty sure that never happened.)Lor: A HO SUSPENSION! I'm going to start using that in real life like all the time. "If you have sex in Sweet Valley, you immediately get chlamydia. And die.""They also kiss a whole lot. Jesus. Is this what 16 was like? I mean, don't get me wrong. I like kissing. I also like the dinner salad, as long as I'm getting the main course and dessert afterward, ifyouknowwhatImean.""I feel like SVH is slowly messing up MY moral, ethical and conduct code. WE'RE ONLY THREE BOOKS IN."