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snark (reading) lady

In my free time, I snark things. In my freer time, I read things.

Currently reading

Night Film
Marisha Pessl
The Amber Spyglass (His Dark Materials, #3)
Philip Pullman
Mark Slouka
The Lord of the Rings
J.R.R. Tolkien, J.R.R. Tolkien
Dear Sister - Kate William, Francine Pascal Orginal recap for the Snark Squad here.I've taken to consistently rating these books two stars but THIS BOOK HAS A COMA. GUYS. A COMA. Clearly this elevates its star level to fabulous, which isn't actually a choice, so we'll stick with two stars. In book #6, Elizabeth breaks her parents' "no riding motorcycles ever" rule and takes a ride on the idiotic side. Naturally, about one second after she hops on sans helmet on, her and Todd get run down by a drunk driver. We open book #7 with Jessica crying because her sister is in a COMA! Every one of these books starts with some recitation of how beautiful and "all-American" the twins are and how they are totally the same, but different. The big difference here is that Liz is half dead. I made this picture for everyone to illustrate the difference:ZOMBIE. Okay, not really. Really what the author tells us is even worse! You see, Liz has... Liz has...LOST HER TAN. The Creepy Pedobear Doctor comes in to tell Jess that she's the only one who can reach her sister and should try talking about sisterly things. Naturally, Jess brings up almost stealing Todd away and revealing her best friend's deepest darkest secret. Are you feeling the sisterly vibe yet?The "pep-talk" does wake Liz up but not all is right in Liz-land. We know this right away because the next time we see her, she's crying about looking un-tan and coma-y. I've dubbed this alternate version of Liz WhoreLizabeth. She's so unlike herself that she doesn't even want to see or talk to Todd. The book goes on with WhoreLizabeth acting more and more like Jess and Jess having some sort of kiddie-lit existential crisis.This book was really key for me in my re-reading in realizing that we were reading total crap as children. There are a lot of questionable goings on in this book. Take a look at this quote:“Did I ever tell you about the front seat in Danny’s car? It slides back and reclines and—and I probably don’t have to draw you a picture, do I?”UH, WHAT. NO DON'T DRAW ANYONE A PICTURE BECAUSE THE PEOPLE READING THIS ARE 10 YEARS OLD. Jesus. Other shady happenings include the promise of some vague sexual favor, Bruce pulling out warm wine and Dixie cups FROM UNDERNEATH THE PASSENGER SIDE SEAT OF HIS CAR, Bruce touching Liz's boobs, and Bruce trying to rape Liz.Do you all remember there being so much attempted rape in this series? Man the Ghost Writing Collective really likes their rape. This is weird. And so, my over all review is that this was one of the most fun SVH books for 25 year old me to re-read, but I've also decided that I would never, in a million years, allow any child of mine to read Sweet Valley Books. Seriously. WINE AND RAPE CUPS JUST WAITING IN HIS CAR, YOU GUYS. Quotes from the recapLor: Meanwhile, Jess is shaking Liz and saying unhelpful things like, “wake-up.” Hmmm. Jess, I think maybe the doctors have already tried the ole “wake-up” trick. It usually works with such conditions like “napping,” “sleeping,” and on occasion “drunkenly passed out.” Unfortunately, comas are somewhere beyond “wake-up.Lor: A week into her bed rest, she’s complaining about how boring life is. Jess suggests she read, since that was one of her favorite pastimes, and WhoreLiz is all, “I’m a whore now. We don’t read.” Don’t send me angry emails, y’all, I’m just recapping this book, okay?Lor: She thinks about leaving them home alone, but this isn’t Stoneybrook and people in Sweet Valley may be completely ridiculous, but they at least know that you don’t leave 12 year olds home alone, and you certainly don’t put them in charge of other children. Ahem. Sara: Personally, I keep my rape cups in the glove compartment. Much classier.